On Walking Alone

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In a meditation some years ago, I walked in a beautiful garden with my Spirit Guide. I asked her why my birth family was such a mystery and why my adoptive family had so thoroughly rejected me.  I asked her why my children were so distant, physically and emotionally, from me at that time. I had many such questions.  You might say that my Guide found me full of self-pity that long ago day.

We walked silently for a period of time.  “It is for your own beneft,”she finally said. “You walk alone on this journey. You see what others do not, you believe that which is not acceptable, you feel deeply. If you had a birth family that was so dear to you as to influence your thoughts and beliefs, then you would have been limited in what you see, think and feel. You would be concerned with what they think and want their approval.”

We continued along the path that meandered among tall trees that swayed in the gentle breeze, stepping around clusters of flowers unlike any I’d ever seen in their beauty.

“Look at your adoptive family and how they view the world. If not for the rejection, had they not pushed you away so early, you would be very much like them. Is that what you want, Walks Alone?”

“No, I like who I am and what I believe. I like that I accept others, and am tolerant of those unlike myself. I do not want to change that. I don’t want to be like them”

“Then think on this, Walks Alone. You have no knowledge or true facts about your beginnings. This makes you the first in this line of humans. You have set them on the path of independent thought and free will. You taught them to hold their heads up in adversity. They will become many, this family you created. ”

I thought on these things as we continued toward the garden gate.

In my life I have family who do not know exactly what I believe and friends who do not know. Religion is such a hot topic and some religions indoctrinate their followers to either shun those who believe differently or work incessantly to convert them.

In my journey I have studied religion in college and on my own. I eventually found one that I relate to and have made my own. I doubt I would have ever felt the freedom to seek for what rings true to my heart and soul had I been fully accepted into my adoptive family. I would have continued on in the religion of my childhood, even though I had questions that could not, would not, be answered.

Today, I am a Wiccan, with a dose of Native American belief thrown in for good measure. It is a faith that embodies all the things I “just knew” in my heart. It gives me comfort and brings me joy. Unlike many others who have come to follow this Path, I do not have those who would condemn me or try to change me.

Still, I keep silent to many for it is the way of the world to condemn and try to change those who are ‘different’. It is their way also to fear that which they don’t understand.

I understand why I walk alone, for in solitude comes greater understanding of oneself. I understand the words of the Goddess when she says, “. . .thy seeking and yearning shall avail thee not unless thou knoweth the mystery; that if that which thy seekest thy findeth not within thee, thou wilt never find it without thee. . .” (Charge of the Goddess)

I walk alone in many ways, and yet, I am always surrounded by Her love and guidance. I am always surrounded by those who love me unconditionally. Those who don’t, I let fall away to follow their own Path, as I walk mine.

Random Thoughts

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I am new to bloging. I love the concept, I love the medium. I am enamored at the way bloging allows one to put their thoughts “out there” for the world to see.

In a way though, it can be scary for an old broad like myself to put their thoughts “out there”. I have not written for public consumption in many years. When I did, it was technical writing in my chosen field at the time. Creating a blog once again makes me face the empty page and make my poor old brain come up with words to fill it.

It is a challenge and I think I’m up to it. We’ll see.